Under the Knife

Season two... finally! How long has it been? Too long! 245 days to be exact. I won't be ignored, Ryan Murphy! A little Glenn Close for you. Okay, I'm rarin' to go, so fasten your seatbelts boys and girls. I'm going to call this episode...

Daddy's Little Helper

While I'm doing impersonations... in my best Marilyn Monroe, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Dr. McNamara... happy birthday to you." Sean's turning the Big 4-0, and he's having what's known as a little mid-life crisis. Make that a big ole mid-life crisis. In fact, he can't name anyone whose life improved after 40... well, a quick Internet search, and you know what I found? Nothing. Yeah... zip. I'm joking! In fact, here's a comprehensive list of late-bloomers:

• Rodney Dangerfield
• Colonel Sanders
• Grandma Moses

Feel better? I don't. I know, I'm not helping... and neither is Dr. Troy, who gives his best friend and business partner a syringe of BOTOX® Cosmetic as a gift; he's even willing to inject it right there and then... done. Crisis averted... except that Dr. McNamara doesn't believe he needs it (or at least, doesn't want to believe it). Good, more for me!

According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons®, BOTOX® Cosmetic was the number one cosmetic plastic surgery procedure in 2003 with 2,891,390 procedures performed – an increase of 157% over 2002's numbers and up 267% from 2000. And, it's not just women who are giving themselves the gift of smoother, more youthful looking skin, as men accounted for over 10% of all BOTOX® Cosmetic procedures in 2003... hey, better than buying a Corvette, if you ask me (and cheaper).

Sean's problems run deeper, though, than a few wrinkles; he's also hiding a mind/body condition he's developed referred to as, "the yips." Basically, it's a nervous disorder brought on by anxiety in which the hand shakes uncontrollably at the most inopportune times, such as during plastic surgery... not good. Sean's doctor had a brother-in-law (a golfer) who suffered from the yips. How did he treat it? "Quit the circuit... took the Jack Daniels route." Sean takes a different road... Alprazolam, a prescription drug that not only treats anxiety disorders but also poses a real risk of dependency... not good.

The crazy thing is, what does Dr. McNamara really have to be stressed about? Dumping a dead patient's body in the Everglades? Committing adultery with a patient who later died (and who he really loved)? Removing, at gunpoint, breast implants filled with liquid heroin from a drug lord's "mules"? His sex-less, on-again/off-again marriage? Relax. Colonel Sanders didn't throw in the towel! Take a chill pill... oh, yeah... he's already doing that.

Sean of course has had incredible performance issues at home, so he certainly doesn't need "the shakes" at work, especially given that he's the talent. Hey, you know what would really help? If his mother-in-law (played by Julia's real life mom, Vanessa Redgrave) would just come to stay for a while. Happy birthday! Oh, and she wants him to help her out with a little plastic surgery... a facelift (rhytidectomy) and a brow lift / forehead lift. He reluctantly agrees. Cue extended montage of plastic surgery videos, where Christian has to take over, because although his own 40th birthday is just two week's after Sean's, he's dealing with middle age a little differently and consequently doesn't have a problem "operating."

"I plan on banging twice as many Mamazons this decade in far more depraved and debauched ways." And Dr. Troy's starting immediately... he hits up on a 25-year-old orthopedics resident at a club, but she recommends that he come back to the club on Thursdays for Oldies Night. She goes on to tell him, "Look, you're cool, but I have a real daddy and I don't need another one." Christian doesn't let it get to him... much... he simply does what any man in his position would... call her a, "bitter, lipstick lesbian," and proceed to go home and screw the nanny. I can't decide if this is better than buying a Corvette.

So, what else happened on this first episode of nip/tuck's second season? A lot. Too much! Save something for episode 2. Well, we found out that Christian slept with Sean's mother-in-law at Sean and Julia's wedding. Oh, and he also slept with her when she came in for the consultation regarding her facelift. She later tells Julia, "I want to feel the way he made me feel for more than an hour." An hour?!!! I want to feel the way Dr. Troy made her feel for, I don't know, maybe more than two-minutes? Is that so much to ask?

See you next time.

Charlie Sheridan
Medical Editor and Consultant